Not me, But me is
a series of digital media and mixed media on paper with projection. It is a
collection of distorted, merged and beautifully haunting self-portraits that interrogates
aspects of difference, repetition, and the invisibility of chronic illnesses.
Not
me, But me explores the medicalisation of the self-image by comparing the act
of drawing and the trace as mark to the medical imaging of the body
and the trace that is left behind. A concept that Petherbridge talks about in The Primacy of Drawing. This is
particularly evident in the large self-portrait that is made from mixed media (pastels,
watercolours, prismacolour pencil, charcoals etc) and then stitched together. The
merging of the medical imaging upon the outside of my body shows the invisible illnesses as visible in an attempt to
document and illustrate my daily human experience. The stitching of the large
work emphasises that traces of these surgeries, tests and scans are left
behind, they are never truly gone. Once somethings is taken apart, it can never
perfectly be put back together.
I have expanded upon my digital collage experiments from my first
proposal and have created secondary collages from them.
These
collages explore my invention of the new normal, a concept I created in my
first proposal. My ‘Normal’ is constantly evolving. An altered space of the
everyday. This is expressed within each collage. There are so many ways my
everyday space can be changed.
I am
currently studying Renaissance art and am drawn to the self-portraits of the
master artists. From the idealised proportions to the soft colour palettes to
the posing of the model. Not me, But me reflects my immersion into this
research through the lens of self-portraiture. This has culminated in a collision of the romanticised notion of the
Renaissance portrait and the invasion of medical imaging and surgeries upon the
body. Idealised proportions and posing versus the reality of the human
experience. The result of this
collision is a series of obstructive selfies, anti-selfies, expressing human
vulnerability and the decay of the body.
The artists
that I have been looking at include; Ellie Kammer, Jenny Saville, Mike Parr,
Jesse Draxler, and Renaissance artists like Albrecht Durer, Leonardo Da Vinci
and Michelangelo. Mike Parr’s work is particularly relevant to my work and
concept. The importance of the self-portrait and the disembodied human head,
not showing the body that it is attached too.
On Parr’s
work Graham Coulter-Smith and Jane Magon write
the following:
Parr is
embarked upon a search for something which can never be found, a self which is
inherently lost. Our being, Being in general, is lost - that's why we are so
obsessed with finding it. The human irony is that we are strongly motivated by
a quest for identity, but our very mode of seeking prevents us from ever
finding it. We seek ourselves via self-representation, but the very act of
re-presentation is the antithesis of that self-presence we hunger for. Each act
of self-representation is a disappointment because it can only ever produce a trace,
a burnt out replica of that self presence we desire.
…charcoal
drawings, with their physical record of the artist's hand, evoke the
theological ideal of the artist's presence…the traditional aesthetics of
presence.
This is particularly relevant to my work. I am
drawn to the medium of self-portraiture as a way to re insert myself back
into the world. To discover my own
identity and document my daily experience. Even though the outcome can never
fully be truthful to what others see, I continue to find new ways of
representing myself.
While my concept has remained the same since my proposal, the
finished series took a different direction in execution. I ended up expanding
upon the digital collage experiments and creating secondary works from them. For
this series, installation is about lighting and projection. The larger work has
been created with projection in mind. While the other collages were created to
be displayed alone. In an ideal world, I would have individual lights on each
collage, to better show the projection.
For future works, I can see myself continuing with larger
scale portraits.